Tuesday, April 22, 2014
Thursday, March 13, 2014
Birthday Poem for Dad - March 1, 2014
Seventy-three, oh to be just twenty-three,
though never has this wish come to your mind.
Full of vitality, laughter, love and passion,
your age never does reflect your fashion.
Since you know your life was designed,
by our Heavenly Father, who sent you
to God-fearing parents in relation to
a loving grandmother who always knew
you were her special sugar,
fast as a pistol from Ruger.
Now your time on earth sublime
is just as fun as on day one.
You are loved by all who know you,
due to your analytical review
of all that life shares with us
from the fearful to the trusts.
May your future continue to be bright--
if you experience a minor slight
of hand, may your hope still be as grand.
And may you have all your birthday wishes
and as many birthdays as you wish.
Happy Birthday Dad!
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| 73 & Sharp as Can BE! |
Saturday, February 22, 2014
Frozen in Time: One Mormon Woman's Response to the Future Disney Classic "Frozen"
My how graduating Valedictorian, getting married, changing your name and moving to a new city can change your perspective on life. If that wasn't enough excitement for last year, I also had the opportunity to marry into the military. (Any of you who know me well enough also know that the word "opportunity" used here is an effort to accept the positive.) Originally, I had very mixed feelings about joining the military without actually signing the contract myself; and, therefore, be forced--errr prepared?--for military life through the bootcamp experience. Lastely I've focused on the fact that I knowingly and willingly signed up for the school of the hard-knocks. And truly, as I've seen many times in my short life, it's the best way for me to learn. (My dad always said to me while in pain, "Suffer baby, it's the only way!" Oh how true... and that became my motto for life at 21, but we'll get to that...)
Sadly (but not surprisingly to anyone), all this change at once did not bode well for me. I spent the last few hours of 2013 slowly going manic (as in having a literal manic episode matching the "textbook definition of mania"--to use the words of the lovely and caring RN assigned to me.) Going crazy inside of the walls of my own home, as my husband helplessly watched his wonderful, beautiful, hopeful, newly-wed wife loose touch with her reality, was not a good experience for either of us. In short, I was in the process of being diagnosed with a major mental illness: bi-polar disorder Type I. You can read more about it here, if you've never known someone with this illness. Though, I will mention that the doctors are saying that I am a very unique and rare case because I exhibit more manic cycles than depression cycles.
I know that a lot of you are going, how does all this have anything to do with the title of this post. But this is not a short message. Nor is this post for those who are not as strongly-winded, strong-willed or strongly-opinionated as myself. I'm just saying it as it is, just the way I see it. I have cried harder, sang louder, prayed harder, worked faster and succeeded longer BECAUSE of my mental/emotional illness. The result is just naturally strong lungs. (Too bad I wasn't a swimmer in the Olympics, right?)
I am a 29-year-old-woman who was diagnosed with bi-polar disorder less than two months ago. This means that I have suffered with a serious mental illness and felt very alone in my struggle for 29 years--despite an amazing support system of family, friends (in and out of the Mormon faith), not to mention the wonderful and talented teachers, leaders, coaches and professional associates who have guided me and shaped my development into the woman I am today. In light of this new discovery, I feel that I have finally "found my voice." Finally, I've found a cause worth fighting for, like awesome Mulan did. (My family is already cheering to know that I am not merely a "rebel without a cause," but indeed was, have been, and always will be, a good, little girl in a BIG, confusing world, who needed a lot of special attention to navigate and orient herself in a world that does not talk about mental illness positively.)
My sister has personally done more to save me than any other person, with the exception of my mother and the Savior, Jesus Christ. This should be earth-shattering news coming from a newly-wed, right? Why aren't you writing about how amazing and wonderful your husband is, Angela?! Because my husband doesn't need me to tell the world how amazing and wonderful he is. He simply exudes attractive qualities consistently without prompting and anyone who knows him knows he is my "Disney Prince," if I were to ever have one. He may not be perfect, but he surely knows how to perfectly comfort, guide and help me to be the best I can. The world expects men to be intentional, skilled and courageous. That's why we teach young men that volunteering for military service or to serve a mission is a noble and brave cause worth fighting for, even if we, as Americans, don't all agree on which religion or what political party to join up with.
Contrarily, feminine strength, like my sister, Tessa, "The Lion," consistently demonstrates is such a RARE quality! I wish that the movie Mulan or Brave (or even Rapunzel!) had been out when we were six, instead of the AWFUL rendition of The Little Mermaid, which completely pulled Christ out of the picture and nullified the authority of parenthood -- (where was her mother the whole freaking time, right?!!) If we had watched Mulan growing up, we would have been just as excited to wear a kimono AND wear yoga pants, to put makeup on, and try kickboxing. Instead, at the age of six, I was fed the ridiculous ideas that many people, including several well-intentioned Mormon women, fear that Frozen is also teaching: rebellion, un-quenched desire, feeling trapped by authority, the danger of succumbing to passion etc.
I have been DYING to write a 1500 page treaty on why Disney should be boycotted for writing, approving, producing, promoting and continuing to distribute The Little Mermaid for the past 10 years. I believed that the ideas in the film had so permeated my subconscious that when my parents were divorced (ironically, the same year my friends started pointing out "cookies" like this obscenity) I lost all my belief in "true love," and hence, Disney ruined my childhood. You can imagine my further disappointment when one day I looked up the film on Wikipedia and found all the research I intended to do was already done. (If you read the article for your self, you must promise me that you scroll to the VERY bottom where it briefly discusses the controversy of the film. I wonder if Disney has anything to do with the placement of that paragraph...) My point is that there is already enough disillusionment going on with children all because of the INTERNET. We can't stop that from happening. We can only be honest with our children and encourage them to ask us questions when they find that hidden "truth/lie" we've been conveniently keeping from them. We already know they will find it. It's just a matter of time.
So when my unborn-child starts to sing "Let it Go" at the top of her lungs some day, it will be because I'm the one who introduced that song to her. Because I'm the one who showed her the film, took her to the play, and then asked her to tell me what she thinks, what she feels and how she relates to the characters in the story, just as my mother did with me when I saw the film The Little Mermaid in theaters at age six (all I could talk about was the cool water and the fun songs!). As I've aged, I have come to the conclusion that I have blamed The Little Mermaid for ruining not just my childhood, but my whole life, because I was not willing to take responsibility for my thoughts, feelings and actions in response to a beautiful, but in my opinion amoral, film.
Consequently, if I had been BRAVE enough to actually talk with my mother, instead of my sister, about what I was feeling, maybe I would have gotten through my tweens with less disillusionment. Maybe I would not have been so influenced my Ariel's poor example. Maybe my choices would have been extremely different. Then again, maybe I would still come out with a self-loathing and fearful experience much like the character Elsa. My point is that it is the responsibility of parents to teach them how to question AND where to find the answers that REALLY count.
I believe we can glean inspiration and guidance from characters that teach us something about ourselves. I didn't learn anything from Elsa that I have not already experienced in life, just like how I did not become a rebellious young woman because I watched the movie The Little Mermaid. Art is all about creativity, self-discovery and self-exploration, all of which can lead to selfish choices, but that does not mean that we should avoid creativity, or sexuality, or driving a car simply because they COULD be dangerous. (After all Blacks, Mexicans, Jews, Mormons--now LGBT, Muslims and Africans--have all been painted as dangerous in the media, so it must be true, right?)
It is because movies hold the power to show us our dreams that it is so important that we make sure we monitor how our children internalize them. We must be sure that we teach them how to actually avoid that danger, how to recognize when something doesn't FEEL right and help our children to find the feelings that they need to achieve their wishes and their dreams. That idea is what Walt Disney intended for his company to be all about. Stories like Mulan, Frozen, and Brave help us to find the strength to go for our dreams, even when the world says it's impossible and our fears tell us that we cannot.
The character Elsa was misled, poorly parented and left in fear of her own abilities. Anyone can make the argument that they can relate to her disillusionment, fear, and isolation because we all have felt that way. Only Christ can take away fear, read 2 Timothy if you want to know how. My parents taught me this scripture to help me find the power to leave my fears behind and in the process unleashed my creative nature on the world. From the day that I first learned that God is all about POWER, LOVE and a SOUND MIND (the natural opposites of FEAR) I have done everything I could to embrace those feelings into my life. The principle of unconditional love, which Elsa sadly did not feel, has helped me find my best creative works in music, photography, graphic design, theater and even in my homemaking as a new wife.
So in essence, instead of the life motto to "Suffer, baby!" I will chose to embrace the life motto of "Let It Go." I will not use this motto to justify moral relativism, but as a stance that I am good enough, capable enough and worthy enough to pursue my dreams, even with the challenges in front of me. May we all be able to pursue our dreams with the same confidence, I pray.
Sadly (but not surprisingly to anyone), all this change at once did not bode well for me. I spent the last few hours of 2013 slowly going manic (as in having a literal manic episode matching the "textbook definition of mania"--to use the words of the lovely and caring RN assigned to me.) Going crazy inside of the walls of my own home, as my husband helplessly watched his wonderful, beautiful, hopeful, newly-wed wife loose touch with her reality, was not a good experience for either of us. In short, I was in the process of being diagnosed with a major mental illness: bi-polar disorder Type I. You can read more about it here, if you've never known someone with this illness. Though, I will mention that the doctors are saying that I am a very unique and rare case because I exhibit more manic cycles than depression cycles.
I know that a lot of you are going, how does all this have anything to do with the title of this post. But this is not a short message. Nor is this post for those who are not as strongly-winded, strong-willed or strongly-opinionated as myself. I'm just saying it as it is, just the way I see it. I have cried harder, sang louder, prayed harder, worked faster and succeeded longer BECAUSE of my mental/emotional illness. The result is just naturally strong lungs. (Too bad I wasn't a swimmer in the Olympics, right?)
I am a 29-year-old-woman who was diagnosed with bi-polar disorder less than two months ago. This means that I have suffered with a serious mental illness and felt very alone in my struggle for 29 years--despite an amazing support system of family, friends (in and out of the Mormon faith), not to mention the wonderful and talented teachers, leaders, coaches and professional associates who have guided me and shaped my development into the woman I am today. In light of this new discovery, I feel that I have finally "found my voice." Finally, I've found a cause worth fighting for, like awesome Mulan did. (My family is already cheering to know that I am not merely a "rebel without a cause," but indeed was, have been, and always will be, a good, little girl in a BIG, confusing world, who needed a lot of special attention to navigate and orient herself in a world that does not talk about mental illness positively.)
SIDE-NOTE: if you haven't figured out that this post is about how the movie Frozen is the best Disney film to ever represent the "story of my life," then I pity you. Obviously we are not good enough friends yet. All my friends know that I have a strong aversion to and strongly dislike "Disney princesses." The very term makes my skin crawl. Why? Because I really despise the fact that as a little girl circa 1990, all that I was told in the movies that were "age appropriate" was to rely on only men to solve my problems. Call me a feminist, because I am one. It's not that I disrespect the patriarchal society in Moronism. It is because of the patriarchal society in Mormonism that I am such a strong feminist. But that talk is for a different post.Getting back to the film Frozen and why it was so interesting to me in light of my recent diagnosis, my struggle with my strong libido as a Mormon youth (told you I could out-share you!), and my turbulent mood swings in general... Practicing my religion has taught me time and time again that my best advocates and the people most willing to help at a moment's notice are my mother (of course) and my sister.
My sister has personally done more to save me than any other person, with the exception of my mother and the Savior, Jesus Christ. This should be earth-shattering news coming from a newly-wed, right? Why aren't you writing about how amazing and wonderful your husband is, Angela?! Because my husband doesn't need me to tell the world how amazing and wonderful he is. He simply exudes attractive qualities consistently without prompting and anyone who knows him knows he is my "Disney Prince," if I were to ever have one. He may not be perfect, but he surely knows how to perfectly comfort, guide and help me to be the best I can. The world expects men to be intentional, skilled and courageous. That's why we teach young men that volunteering for military service or to serve a mission is a noble and brave cause worth fighting for, even if we, as Americans, don't all agree on which religion or what political party to join up with.
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| A piece of the EMP's current exhibit Fantasy, which I found the day after writing this post in the middle of the night. |
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| The typical damsel in distress characters have never been our thing. Also from the Fantasy exhibit. |
So when my unborn-child starts to sing "Let it Go" at the top of her lungs some day, it will be because I'm the one who introduced that song to her. Because I'm the one who showed her the film, took her to the play, and then asked her to tell me what she thinks, what she feels and how she relates to the characters in the story, just as my mother did with me when I saw the film The Little Mermaid in theaters at age six (all I could talk about was the cool water and the fun songs!). As I've aged, I have come to the conclusion that I have blamed The Little Mermaid for ruining not just my childhood, but my whole life, because I was not willing to take responsibility for my thoughts, feelings and actions in response to a beautiful, but in my opinion amoral, film.
Consequently, if I had been BRAVE enough to actually talk with my mother, instead of my sister, about what I was feeling, maybe I would have gotten through my tweens with less disillusionment. Maybe I would not have been so influenced my Ariel's poor example. Maybe my choices would have been extremely different. Then again, maybe I would still come out with a self-loathing and fearful experience much like the character Elsa. My point is that it is the responsibility of parents to teach them how to question AND where to find the answers that REALLY count.
I believe we can glean inspiration and guidance from characters that teach us something about ourselves. I didn't learn anything from Elsa that I have not already experienced in life, just like how I did not become a rebellious young woman because I watched the movie The Little Mermaid. Art is all about creativity, self-discovery and self-exploration, all of which can lead to selfish choices, but that does not mean that we should avoid creativity, or sexuality, or driving a car simply because they COULD be dangerous. (After all Blacks, Mexicans, Jews, Mormons--now LGBT, Muslims and Africans--have all been painted as dangerous in the media, so it must be true, right?)
By the way, you should check out this Africanized version of my new theme song.
It is because movies hold the power to show us our dreams that it is so important that we make sure we monitor how our children internalize them. We must be sure that we teach them how to actually avoid that danger, how to recognize when something doesn't FEEL right and help our children to find the feelings that they need to achieve their wishes and their dreams. That idea is what Walt Disney intended for his company to be all about. Stories like Mulan, Frozen, and Brave help us to find the strength to go for our dreams, even when the world says it's impossible and our fears tell us that we cannot.
The character Elsa was misled, poorly parented and left in fear of her own abilities. Anyone can make the argument that they can relate to her disillusionment, fear, and isolation because we all have felt that way. Only Christ can take away fear, read 2 Timothy if you want to know how. My parents taught me this scripture to help me find the power to leave my fears behind and in the process unleashed my creative nature on the world. From the day that I first learned that God is all about POWER, LOVE and a SOUND MIND (the natural opposites of FEAR) I have done everything I could to embrace those feelings into my life. The principle of unconditional love, which Elsa sadly did not feel, has helped me find my best creative works in music, photography, graphic design, theater and even in my homemaking as a new wife.
The first time we saw the movie, it was the Sing-a-long version.
Seeing the lyrics only helped me love the song more.
So in essence, instead of the life motto to "Suffer, baby!" I will chose to embrace the life motto of "Let It Go." I will not use this motto to justify moral relativism, but as a stance that I am good enough, capable enough and worthy enough to pursue my dreams, even with the challenges in front of me. May we all be able to pursue our dreams with the same confidence, I pray.
Saturday, June 1, 2013
Graduating Valedictorian - April 26, 2013
It has taken me a while to be willing to write about my graduation experience. While I definitely loved having over 1500 pairs of eyes on me, I was surprised at how calm I remained. I am truly shocked that my voice didn't quiver, or that I didn't melt into tears (and ruin my makeup!) The whole experience was so surreal, it felt like I had known from the very first day at UVU that I would be sitting there. Well, actually the idea had crossed my mind from day one and it became a secret ambition which I shared with only my mother and my closest friends--because no one really TRIES to get a perfect GPA in college except for the med students, right?
Maybe I just believed that I could become Valedictorian for long enough that it came true for me--at least that's what the positive psychologists would have you think, since visualization actually works. Maybe I am just living the American Dream; after all if you want something bad enough to work harder than anyone and everyone else, you'll reach your goal--but no; that's what the social psychologists want you to believe happened. Maybe I made a deal with the devil and traded my brain with a robot so that I could manipulate everyone into thinking I'm the smartest person in the whole school... No... That's what BYU students want you to believe happened. har har har.....
What really happened is that God answered my prayer.
Because, in all honesty, I prayed to become Valedictorian so that I could give a speech that would reverberate around the whole world. I wanted to give a speech that would reach my family--my whole family, everyone from Grandpa Lee in Mendon, to my Uncle Jim in Heber, to my brother in Pennsylvania... but more importantly to my father in Abu Dhabi. When I left Abu Dhabi, I made a promise to my Dad that I was going to work as hard as I could to succeed in school and graduate, no matter what. But I also had made a promise to my Heavenly Father that I would do my best to get married too. The Lord told me that I had been too stubborn and that was why many of my relationships had failed, but he promised me that as I went to school in Utah, I would be married, because that was what my heart desired.
When I left Abu Dhabi, I felt so terrified to be out on my own away from the protection of my family again. But I also felt exhilarated to have another chance to graduate and to repent for taking my first chance too lightly (I played too hard at Westmini, like every Freshman and Sophomore does.) When I went to UVU, I thought of myself as a Senior, because in a lot of ways I already was everyone's senior (cuz I was older!) So naturally, I felt comfortable being a leader in my classes, taking every assignment seriously, and building a good relationship with my professors. I did my best to be the best student in every single class I attended. Many of my classmates would be happy to attest that I did not turn anything in unless it was perfect. I would rather re-write an entire group paper than turn-in something poorly written and not as well crafted as my best--yes, I made some enemies doing that, but in the end they always thanked me for the big, fat A they got. (I always said, "Don't worry, we'll get an A," whenever someone freaked out that I was being too honest, or too bold or too dull... but I learned a long time ago that everyone hates their job--even teachers--and the reward for being a teacher is to be surprised by their students.) Don't get me wrong, I did plenty of procrastinating too (still haven't broken that old habit!) But I also did a lot more thinking about my assignments before I tackled them.
I too was surprised, but not by my As. When I first got to UVU, I thought that it would be easy to be the best in the class because I thought that no one there cared about their education. I looked around the school and saw a TON of Freshman and VERY FEW Seniors. Though there were people of all ages who came through (babies and elderly are both common on UVU campus!), I saw very few leaders who were actually doing something meaningful. I felt that not enough of the Seniors saw the influence that they COULD have on their school, so I thought, "I'll show everyone how to be a great LEADER!" HA!! I'm so naive sometimes.
In all reality, I was surprised by the quality of students I found at UVU. As I talked to my peers and really opened up to them about my life, they became willing to share some details of their lives too. I can honestly say that some of my life-long friends were made on that campus because I know that UVU breeds students who are trustworthy, hard working, and honest. I once left my cellphone in a bathroom stall and it found its way back to my desk! I talked to many students who worked full time, were married with children, had a large church calling, and were enrolled in 15 credit hours! Who at BYU, or the U, or even Utah State does that?? Who has the ability to get good grades in that kind of a situation? The more I learned about the sacrifices our students were making to come there, the more I respected the students and the more I loved my school. I am now a Wolverine for LIFE and I bleed GREEN (in a school that has no Football program---yet!)
Because I made just as many friends as enemies, I was always creating a stir, wherever I went. I like to create a new current in a room. I like it when I can get the air charged, almost like you can taste the electric shock on the tip of your tongue. I did that in every class, at least once. Sometimes every day, in some classes. I would whisper in my friends' ears jokes about what we were learning, just to see if I could get them in trouble for laughing too much. If they laughed hard enough, then I would get to tell the whole class my joke! What an awesome reward for being a "bad" student!
One of the experiences at UVU that made me feel very successful was when I went to Nationals with Collegiate DECA. I had never been in DECA before. In fact, I had never wanted to be in DECA in high school. A friend tried to recruit me, but it didn't sound as fun as choir, theater or art class, so I didn't check into. This time, my professor insisted that I get involved--for the sake of my future career. So I thought, "But I don't have any time for it!! I'm already doing too much!" I even asked my professor Colleen Vawdrey if it would be worth it for me to go to the club meeting. She promised me that it would, so I went, begrudgingly. Needless to say, I had so much fun getting involved and making new friends that year. I met so many awesome people and took home some major awards!
Winning 1st place in Fashion Merchandizing and Marketing made me feel like a rockstar!!! I think the most shocked person up there was me! I thought I would be lucky to be in the top ten, when I got that, I thought I would be lucky to be in the top three. When I was announced as the winner, I was so surprised! When I asked the girl in second place what school she attended and she said, "The New York Fashion Institute" I seriously thought she was kidding at first. I wasn't even enrolled in an art of design major! I just picked the category that sounded like the most fun to me! I honestly had no intentions of winning when I signed up. Oh, and I only got 2nd place in that category at State, so there ya' have it -- it really does take some losing to make a winner!
Another very special experience for me was the day I finally got to eat lunch with President Matthew Holland. It was rumored that he would often sit with students whenever he ate in the cafeteria, so I had hoped this day would come in the beginning. Instead, I'm happy that it happened at the very beginning of my last semester on campus. I was so happy to finally tell him all the important, fun and exciting things that had been happening as a student, and as a staff member at UVU. It was so nice to be seen differently from the other students and to be heard by the most important decision maker for the school. I told President Holland that he had done an excellent job in improving the seriousness of the academics at UVU and that he would be continually surprised by the ambition of the student body. (I also hinted that we should get a football team, but I'm sure he already knew that! Then, I practically begged him to ask his Dad come and speak to the Institute on campus.)
I was also blessed to tell President Holland about the time that I met his father, Elder Jeffery R. Holland, in Abu Dhabi. When I first told him that my Dad knew his Dad, he looked at me like, "Really, you're going to try that too? Everyone tells me that line." But when I mentioned my Dad's name and where he lived, his eyebrow narrowed and I could tell that he was truly curious. I really love curious people; they are so much more interesting to talk to. I mentioned that my parents most likely would not be able to attend my graduation ceremony and that I was having a hard time feeling celebratory when I was so desperately homesick. I even confided in him that I had set a goal to become Valedictorian and wasn't sure if that would even happen now. I think at this point he asked about my grades. I told him they weren't "perfect, but pretty darn close." He said "How close?" and I said, "3.95." He looked at me as if to say, "That's good enough." I told him that I was having a hard time choosing which college to put on my graduation form (I was technically part of three different schools: Woodbury Business, College of Technology and School of Education.) He said to put down the one where my heart was, and I thought of all my friends in the BMED program. At that point, I knew I would want to be with my small little group of friends, who had worked so hard and gotten so little recognition.
One more thought about my college experience at UVU: It wouldn't have been the same without all the friends I made in the singles wards. I can't name them all because there are too many, but they're all on my facebook, so I don't think I'll ever loose them. Cheers to success with friends! :)
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| Backstage at graduation... just a few mins before go time! |
What really happened is that God answered my prayer.
Because, in all honesty, I prayed to become Valedictorian so that I could give a speech that would reverberate around the whole world. I wanted to give a speech that would reach my family--my whole family, everyone from Grandpa Lee in Mendon, to my Uncle Jim in Heber, to my brother in Pennsylvania... but more importantly to my father in Abu Dhabi. When I left Abu Dhabi, I made a promise to my Dad that I was going to work as hard as I could to succeed in school and graduate, no matter what. But I also had made a promise to my Heavenly Father that I would do my best to get married too. The Lord told me that I had been too stubborn and that was why many of my relationships had failed, but he promised me that as I went to school in Utah, I would be married, because that was what my heart desired.
When I left Abu Dhabi, I felt so terrified to be out on my own away from the protection of my family again. But I also felt exhilarated to have another chance to graduate and to repent for taking my first chance too lightly (I played too hard at Westmini, like every Freshman and Sophomore does.) When I went to UVU, I thought of myself as a Senior, because in a lot of ways I already was everyone's senior (cuz I was older!) So naturally, I felt comfortable being a leader in my classes, taking every assignment seriously, and building a good relationship with my professors. I did my best to be the best student in every single class I attended. Many of my classmates would be happy to attest that I did not turn anything in unless it was perfect. I would rather re-write an entire group paper than turn-in something poorly written and not as well crafted as my best--yes, I made some enemies doing that, but in the end they always thanked me for the big, fat A they got. (I always said, "Don't worry, we'll get an A," whenever someone freaked out that I was being too honest, or too bold or too dull... but I learned a long time ago that everyone hates their job--even teachers--and the reward for being a teacher is to be surprised by their students.) Don't get me wrong, I did plenty of procrastinating too (still haven't broken that old habit!) But I also did a lot more thinking about my assignments before I tackled them.
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| My friend, Jace, and I at the Commencement Ceremony |
In all reality, I was surprised by the quality of students I found at UVU. As I talked to my peers and really opened up to them about my life, they became willing to share some details of their lives too. I can honestly say that some of my life-long friends were made on that campus because I know that UVU breeds students who are trustworthy, hard working, and honest. I once left my cellphone in a bathroom stall and it found its way back to my desk! I talked to many students who worked full time, were married with children, had a large church calling, and were enrolled in 15 credit hours! Who at BYU, or the U, or even Utah State does that?? Who has the ability to get good grades in that kind of a situation? The more I learned about the sacrifices our students were making to come there, the more I respected the students and the more I loved my school. I am now a Wolverine for LIFE and I bleed GREEN (in a school that has no Football program---yet!)
 |
| My cousin, Darci, and me with Willy the Wolverine! |
One of the experiences at UVU that made me feel very successful was when I went to Nationals with Collegiate DECA. I had never been in DECA before. In fact, I had never wanted to be in DECA in high school. A friend tried to recruit me, but it didn't sound as fun as choir, theater or art class, so I didn't check into. This time, my professor insisted that I get involved--for the sake of my future career. So I thought, "But I don't have any time for it!! I'm already doing too much!" I even asked my professor Colleen Vawdrey if it would be worth it for me to go to the club meeting. She promised me that it would, so I went, begrudgingly. Needless to say, I had so much fun getting involved and making new friends that year. I met so many awesome people and took home some major awards!
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| DECA Friends before the Jazz game! (from left: Michael, ??, me, ?? Dan, Grace, ??) |
Another very special experience for me was the day I finally got to eat lunch with President Matthew Holland. It was rumored that he would often sit with students whenever he ate in the cafeteria, so I had hoped this day would come in the beginning. Instead, I'm happy that it happened at the very beginning of my last semester on campus. I was so happy to finally tell him all the important, fun and exciting things that had been happening as a student, and as a staff member at UVU. It was so nice to be seen differently from the other students and to be heard by the most important decision maker for the school. I told President Holland that he had done an excellent job in improving the seriousness of the academics at UVU and that he would be continually surprised by the ambition of the student body. (I also hinted that we should get a football team, but I'm sure he already knew that! Then, I practically begged him to ask his Dad come and speak to the Institute on campus.)
I was also blessed to tell President Holland about the time that I met his father, Elder Jeffery R. Holland, in Abu Dhabi. When I first told him that my Dad knew his Dad, he looked at me like, "Really, you're going to try that too? Everyone tells me that line." But when I mentioned my Dad's name and where he lived, his eyebrow narrowed and I could tell that he was truly curious. I really love curious people; they are so much more interesting to talk to. I mentioned that my parents most likely would not be able to attend my graduation ceremony and that I was having a hard time feeling celebratory when I was so desperately homesick. I even confided in him that I had set a goal to become Valedictorian and wasn't sure if that would even happen now. I think at this point he asked about my grades. I told him they weren't "perfect, but pretty darn close." He said "How close?" and I said, "3.95." He looked at me as if to say, "That's good enough." I told him that I was having a hard time choosing which college to put on my graduation form (I was technically part of three different schools: Woodbury Business, College of Technology and School of Education.) He said to put down the one where my heart was, and I thought of all my friends in the BMED program. At that point, I knew I would want to be with my small little group of friends, who had worked so hard and gotten so little recognition.
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| The BMED Gals (from left: Chelsea, Melissa, Kate & Me) |
One more thought about my college experience at UVU: It wouldn't have been the same without all the friends I made in the singles wards. I can't name them all because there are too many, but they're all on my facebook, so I don't think I'll ever loose them. Cheers to success with friends! :)
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| Lovely lady friends from Ward 202 Party Crew at the Ward's 1st Film Festival (From left: Bredee, Me, Teddy & Alena) |
Wednesday, April 17, 2013
Student Teaching - Day 65
Well, now that it's done and over, I have to say, it was worth all the sweat, tears, sleepless nights, anxious mornings and semesters of planning. I really had a blast (even though that last sentence makes it seem really painful--but it mostly applies to the semesters leading UP to my Student Teaching.)
Today, Mrs. Josie surprised me with a book of notes from my students.
Honestly, I shed a few tears (some of laughter!) but all the notes were very sincere and sweet. I'm going to miss everyone! Here's a few of my faves just for kicks and giggles:
In all reality, I am surprised at how easy it was for me to get into a groove. It's like I got started, got busy and then looked up only to find that that I was at the end. I am really grateful I had some serious support to make it fun. Thanks to my cooperating teacher, Josie Reynaud, I can say that it was an amazing experience and very fun to complete! She told me in the very beginning that the best way to keep my sanity was to go to lunch with her and the ladies every day. Boy was she right! Getting to know the Lunch Bunch (a group of VERY fun ladies who probably wish to remain anonymous!) made the time go faster and helped me to laugh at the stuff that didn't really matter. I found that their friendship made me want to work in a school more than anything. It was nice to have teachers and staff members see me as a co-worker, even though I was a volunteer. Thanks to everyone at SHHS who made me fall in love teaching!
Today, Mrs. Josie surprised me with a book of notes from my students.
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| Book Cover |
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| From a student who claimed to hate computers. |
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| From his friend who loved computers and was VERY good at them. |
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| From all the TA's |
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| From a sweet girl obsessed with Cody, obviously. |
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| From a student who had a traumatic experience at the begging of the semester. She is seriously the braves girl in that whole school. (Also very classy, sweet and smart.... and talkative.) |
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| From an awesome TA who worked with me for two class periods. |
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| From my students, some with disabilities, all of whom worked VERY hard to succeed in class! |
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| From the Cody previously mentioned. He was a sweet kid (even if he did flirt with all the ladies to the point of distraction -- which was a problem that we worked together on until we were both happy with the arrangement). |
In all reality, I am surprised at how easy it was for me to get into a groove. It's like I got started, got busy and then looked up only to find that that I was at the end. I am really grateful I had some serious support to make it fun. Thanks to my cooperating teacher, Josie Reynaud, I can say that it was an amazing experience and very fun to complete! She told me in the very beginning that the best way to keep my sanity was to go to lunch with her and the ladies every day. Boy was she right! Getting to know the Lunch Bunch (a group of VERY fun ladies who probably wish to remain anonymous!) made the time go faster and helped me to laugh at the stuff that didn't really matter. I found that their friendship made me want to work in a school more than anything. It was nice to have teachers and staff members see me as a co-worker, even though I was a volunteer. Thanks to everyone at SHHS who made me fall in love teaching!
Tuesday, April 16, 2013
Student Teaching - Day 63
During the first two weeks of class, I was required to record myself teaching. That part wasn't very painful, but watching the video sure was! In my last week of teaching, I decided to record my accounting class and see if I've made any progress. I chose to use my accounting class as the test because it has been my most difficult subject to get a handle on.
Below is my reflection on both videos:
Recording # 1
1. What
do you feel was successful in your teaching?
I had a good idea to get students involved. It was clever to put the information at the student’s level
so that they could connect with it.
I also did an ok job of explaining the concepts, though it would have
been better to have more vocabulary.
2. What
do you feel could use improvement in your teaching?
Everything! I feel like I
was not a very “with it” teacher in the video. I look confused and like I don’t know what I’m doing and I
feel really bad for my accounting class and how they’ve put up with my bad
teaching. I feel like I wasn’t
teaching, I was just fumbling everywhere. I also talk too much to myself. And I do too much walking back and
forth from the front to the back because my materials were not together. I also turned my back to the class
while writing on the board. I also
had terrible wait time.
I had no idea that the student I wanted to involve (Porter) was just
flirting with the girl in the front row the whole time. I feel like every time I turned my back
or was busy organizing my materials, he walked over to flirt with this girl,
was talking to her, or getting her to walk over to him. Not to mention him waving to the camera
after finding a Kleenex. I can’t
believe that I was missing that the whole time! I feel so oblivious!
I also noticed that it took me 15 minutes to get class going! If I was
better prepared, then I could have used that time more wisely. When I did get it going, I didn’t
demand that people stop talking – or take over their screens to help them
focus. My introduction also took
about 15 minutes instead of about 5 minutes. And it took me five minutes to get
the document camera going.
3. What
are your goals for improvement based on this experience?
I would like to develop better vocabulary to explain the concepts more
clearly.
I would also like to do a better job of managing student behavior.
I would like to manage the technology and my materials better so that
class runs more smoothly.
I would also like to use students’ names to reinforce correct
information.
Recording # 2
1. What
do you feel has improved in your teaching?
I feel that I am doing a better job monitoring the classroom, there was
not as much wandering around and the students were doing a great job at
focusing and going along with me.
I also did a better job of using their names to reinforce learning and I
did a good job of listening to student responses. I also did not get as confused with the content. I was much
better prepared for this class than the lass class. I also did a much better job of managing my materials and
did not walk back and forth as much as the last class. I was more clear in my directions and
my transitions into activities were much smoother.
2. What
areas do you feel could use improvement in your teaching?
I could do better at student recognition and letting the students shine
when they have accomplished something difficult. Students had just taken a test and I forgot to congratulate
those who had done very well. (I
also did not say thank you to my student volunteer, or give him professional
development bucks for helping me out!)
I could improve more by being better prepared with the material and
practicing explaining it to myself a few times before I try to explain it to my
students. I kind of got off track in my lecture, but I did do a better job of
getting back on track to get class finished.
I did a good job giving hints that will help with the homework, so that
students will not get confused (Ex: what recommendations to make to lower
expenses).
3. What
are your professional goals based on this experience?
I would like to
develop more procedures to give students recognition in class.
I would like to
study Accounting more so that I can be more comfortable with my content.
I would like to
build stronger Teacher-Student relationships and do what I can to help them be
successful.
I would like to
relax, smile, have fun and be myself more in class. It took me a long time to finally get comfortable enough
with what I’m doing to have fun with the students.
I would like to
find a more relaxed pace and not go too fast for the slower students.
I would like to
develop more of my own curriculum pieces to help students learn to problem
solve and get more creative in class.
Student Teaching - Day 59
Wow! I made it to Spring Break!! YAY!!!
I have so many goals I want to accomplish with this week of free time! I've made a huge to-do list of all the things I need to do before I can graduate (coming up in 26 days!):
UPDATE: I got really sick two days after writing up this list. I think I finished about half of the items and managed to drag myself through the other half. Thank goodness that I had time to just lay in bed and relax! I guess I accomplished one of the goals for sure!
I have so many goals I want to accomplish with this week of free time! I've made a huge to-do list of all the things I need to do before I can graduate (coming up in 26 days!):
- Make a graduation invitation on facebook
- Complete the Utah State Ethics review online
- Write my Graduation speech (I told you guys I was elected Valedictorian, right?)
- Complete my interview assignment (I basically will give myself a job interview to prepare for future teaching positions -- post in the comments if you want to see it when it's done!)
- Complete the grading assignment (I interviewed some teachers on their grading philosophies, feel free to read it here)
- Complete Part III of my Senior Project.
- Write my management case studies.
- Make a vlog?
- Take my dress to the alterer
- Drop off my ring to be resized (and pick it up a week later)
- Go to my bridal shower at UVU
- Go to my bridal shower in Logan
- Keep bleaching my teeth!
- Get some much needed rest!
- Grade Excel Projects
- Prepare for Accounting lessons
- Prepare review for Excel Test
- Update Canvas pages for the rest of the term!
UPDATE: I got really sick two days after writing up this list. I think I finished about half of the items and managed to drag myself through the other half. Thank goodness that I had time to just lay in bed and relax! I guess I accomplished one of the goals for sure!
Student Teaching - Day 45
Sorry to disappoint, but videos will be rare from here on out. Student teaching is taking up a lot of my energy and free time. I don't think I will survive.
It's not that the kids are wearing me out or anything. In fact, they are really great kids. They rarely misbehave, and when they do it is usually because they are flirting with each other.
No, it's the wedding planning and being away from my fiance that are killing me. Every day, I go to school and I teach and give and am selfless, and then by the time I get home, I have tons of emails, texts, phone calls and errands to run for the wedding planning. Then of course, I want to take time to talk to my fiance, so by the time everything is in a stable condition (No! Not crossed off the to-do list! Just in a manageable place!) I get to go to sleep and wake up and do it all over again.
I have no idea how teachers have a life outside of their jobs. I feel like I could always be tweaking and improving my instruction methods and course ideas. Or grading. Or building better student-teacher relationships. Or contacting parents. Or brainstorming with other teachers. There is just so much to do and so little time to do it!
So many days I send my students out of class and I wonder, did I really teach them anything? What did they get out of today's lesson? Do they feel that the work they are doing is important for their success in life, like I do?
Luckily, these questions don't keep me up at night. Nothing does! I'm too tired to think, I usually just collapse at the end of the day. I can't keep this up forever, but I feel like it is worth it to pour my heart into my teaching and do my really best. The good news is there are only 20 days left! I hope I use them well!
It's not that the kids are wearing me out or anything. In fact, they are really great kids. They rarely misbehave, and when they do it is usually because they are flirting with each other.
No, it's the wedding planning and being away from my fiance that are killing me. Every day, I go to school and I teach and give and am selfless, and then by the time I get home, I have tons of emails, texts, phone calls and errands to run for the wedding planning. Then of course, I want to take time to talk to my fiance, so by the time everything is in a stable condition (No! Not crossed off the to-do list! Just in a manageable place!) I get to go to sleep and wake up and do it all over again.
I have no idea how teachers have a life outside of their jobs. I feel like I could always be tweaking and improving my instruction methods and course ideas. Or grading. Or building better student-teacher relationships. Or contacting parents. Or brainstorming with other teachers. There is just so much to do and so little time to do it!
So many days I send my students out of class and I wonder, did I really teach them anything? What did they get out of today's lesson? Do they feel that the work they are doing is important for their success in life, like I do?
Luckily, these questions don't keep me up at night. Nothing does! I'm too tired to think, I usually just collapse at the end of the day. I can't keep this up forever, but I feel like it is worth it to pour my heart into my teaching and do my really best. The good news is there are only 20 days left! I hope I use them well!
Student Teaching - Day 33
"I was told that I had to give grades to the students, which I wasn't particularly interested in doing."
Today I interviewed some teachers about their grading philosophy. Feel free to read the results below:
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Today I interviewed some teachers about their grading philosophy. Feel free to read the results below:
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Part I – Interview A
1. Mr. Downey teaches Spanish and PE to
sophomores and juniors.
2. Mr. Downey believes that prompt
feedback is very important. When they do a worksheet, he goes over it the same
day with them in class. For tests,
he tries his best to have it back by the next class period (which is two days).
3. Everything is graded, but often
students grade their own work.
Sometimes it’s based on completion, but this way, students still have
the opportunity to learn from their mistakes.
4. His grades are based more on results,
though there are opportunities to raise their grades by completing the
assignments. Some worksheets are
graded on completion and others on accuracy. The tests are based on results and are more heavily weighted
than the assignments. He does
offer retakes on tests, so students can demonstrate learning with more
practice, which is grading on effort and results combined.
5. He believes that it is more important
for students to know the material, so he accepts late work. If the assignment is important enough
he may set a deadline and accept it for full credit for 2-3 days; after that it
earns half credit. He’ll accept
late work up until the unit is over.
6. No, he doesn’t have participation
points in Spanish. In PE he does –
but then it’s most of their grade.
In his Spanish class he does take time at the end of the term to go over
the breaks in the grade and bump up students who are courteous, on time, as
good questions and the like.
7. Do it immediately – keep everything
current.
Part II – Interview B
1. Mr. Moody teaches English to juniors
and seniors.
2. He always updates SIS at least once per
week. Mr. Moody also assigns
between 1-2 graded papers or tests per every class period, making sure that it
is consistent with the unit and something they need to know.
3. Everything is graded because students
are smart and they know if it is not graded and then they believe that they
don’t have to do well. One of the
major assignments is a 46 page research paper, which he goes through thoroughly
to help students understand how to format large works.
4. Ninety-nine percent of students’ grades
are outcome based. Mr. Moody
recommended being very careful with credit for doing it because it deteriorates
students’ ambition and desire for accuracy.
5. Mr. Moody’s late work policy is very
interesting. At the beginning of
every semester, he is very clear about his expectations and lays out the three
scenarios for late work. He
explains it to students this way:
a. If you are here the day the assignment
is given, but you are absent the next time, you will turn it in when you come
next.
b. If you were absent the day that the
assignment was due, then when we grade it in class, you will stay in the hall
and then be prepared to turn it in next time.
c. If you were here the day the assignment
was given and the day that it was graded, but you did not complete it fully,
then you may complete it for half credit.
I really like the way that he explains
it from the student’s perspective.
He also takes great care to score everything at the beginning of class
so that students who need more time could do it at home and that everyone can be
prepared for learning today. He
said, “If you are clearer on your expectations, it makes less work for
you.”
6. No, there are no participation points,
but there are attendance points.
In the past at Payson High, he had a hard time getting students to come
to class because so many parents would just excuse their students. An unexcused absence is worth 6 points
and a tardy is worth 4 points. So
students who are not on time will see it appear in their grade. Yes, his policy is clearly explained every semester and it is in his disclosure.
7. Best advice: Don’t let it pile up! Do it every day! (Or at least every
other day!) There is no short
cut. Be efficient. Make-up work is
the worst, but it’s unfair for us not to accept it from a student. Just be clear and be consistent.
Part III – My Grading Beliefs
Balancing
between efforts and results seems impossible sometimes, but I believe that they
can complement each other. For
example, on assignments, it is important that students really try their best
and complete the work in front of them.
But to track improvement, it is also very important that they can
demonstrate results on tests. I
will use a mixture of both because I believe it gives a fairer picture of what
the students are capable of accomplishing. In the business world it is all about results, but it is
often the employees that give their best efforts that achieve those
results. So it is important to
value both in the classroom.
I
will equally weigh assignments and tests because in the real world, it’s all
about whether you can do the work and whether the work gets results (improves
over time). My break down will be
similar to my cooperating teachers because it really fits the goals of a
business department:
·
On Time
Quizzes (20%) – like an attendance or participation category
·
Keyboarding
(10%)
·
Assignments
(30%)
·
Tests/Quizzes
(30%)
·
Professional
Development (10%) – requires students to take on outside projects that
encourage students to gain professional experiences.
My late work policy will be to accept
late work until the last day of the term.
I don’t like fighting students or disappointing them when they have
turned something in after the fact.
I would rather count it and give them an opportunity to demonstrate
their learning. My cooperating
teacher had the policy that you could complete it for up to one week late, but
the second week it would be half credit and on the third week it is no longer
accepted. I find it so hard to
keep track of and I just didn’t see how it helped the kids who really
struggle. On the other hand, if I
did decide to adopt a more strict late policy, I would be sure to explain it to
the students in terms of the working world. For example, if you complete a report a few days late, your
boss may not mind, as long as you discussed it with them ahead of time. But if you come to your boss a month
after the report was needed, they are going to look at you like your crazy
because by now they need this month’s report – not last month’s report! So I may decide to be strict later, but
for now, I would rather help students succeed, no matter when they are ready.
I will allow test to be redone and any
major assignments. I have found
that most students do not want to redo an assignment, so it is not that much
more to allow them to redo them.
I do not like offering extra credit;
however, I do like the idea of offering extra credit in the Professional
Development category – because one can never have too many opportunities to
grow professionally!
My plan to provide feedback to students
is simple. Grade everything right away. I plan to employ several TAs to help with grading the simple assignments
and giving feedback on formatting.
I plan to grade the tests immediately and have them back to the students
by the next class. I really like being able to share in student successes and
give rewards to students who succeed so I value giving timely feedback.
Student Teaching - Day 30
I found out today that one of my students did indeed record our lesson on Making a Post!
I am flattered that he found it funny how I dance around the classroom looking like a fool.
I am flattered that he found it funny how I dance around the classroom looking like a fool.
But more importantly, I hope that he remembers the lyrics to our song on the test!
The song was originally titled, "I Take A Walk" and was written by Passion Pit.
I rewrote the lyrics to help my students remember the steps for accounting.
Tuesday, February 12, 2013
Student Teaching - Day 27
Today was great! I felt more relaxed, had more fun and got to know more students.
I am really starting to enjoy getting to know each student and their personalities.
I keep seeing students who were behind or struggling come in after school and during lunch, so I feel like I am making a lot of progress and helping them to improve.
Funny story:
Last week I caught one of my students sluffing his English class and I told him that I had lost some trust because it wasn't very responsible for him to leave his group hanging and have to do a presentation without him. I told him so when he asked to use the restroom. Today, he came and asked me to use the restroom and before I could respond with my usual, "Yes, please just take the hall pass and be fast," he blurts out, "Don't worry! I'll come back!" I let my guard down and laughed really hard because I had totally forgiven and forgotten last week's experience. But I'm glad to know that he's still looking over his shoulder!
FBLA / PBL story:
Last week I caught one of my students sluffing his English class and I told him that I had lost some trust because it wasn't very responsible for him to leave his group hanging and have to do a presentation without him. I told him so when he asked to use the restroom. Today, he came and asked me to use the restroom and before I could respond with my usual, "Yes, please just take the hall pass and be fast," he blurts out, "Don't worry! I'll come back!" I let my guard down and laughed really hard because I had totally forgiven and forgotten last week's experience. But I'm glad to know that he's still looking over his shoulder!
FBLA / PBL story:
Today I got to be the backup guest speaker for the FBLA luncheon. I talked about my experience with PBL in San Antonio, Texas and helped the students to strategize their competition time by breaking it up into smaller chunks. It is fun to see students at the beginning of their professional experiences and be there to encourage them.
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