Tuesday, April 22, 2014
Thursday, March 13, 2014
Birthday Poem for Dad - March 1, 2014
Seventy-three, oh to be just twenty-three,
though never has this wish come to your mind.
Full of vitality, laughter, love and passion,
your age never does reflect your fashion.
Since you know your life was designed,
by our Heavenly Father, who sent you
to God-fearing parents in relation to
a loving grandmother who always knew
you were her special sugar,
fast as a pistol from Ruger.
Now your time on earth sublime
is just as fun as on day one.
You are loved by all who know you,
due to your analytical review
of all that life shares with us
from the fearful to the trusts.
May your future continue to be bright--
if you experience a minor slight
of hand, may your hope still be as grand.
And may you have all your birthday wishes
and as many birthdays as you wish.
Happy Birthday Dad!
 |
| 73 & Sharp as Can BE! |
Saturday, February 22, 2014
Frozen in Time: One Mormon Woman's Response to the Future Disney Classic "Frozen"
My how graduating Valedictorian, getting married, changing your name and moving to a new city can change your perspective on life. If that wasn't enough excitement for last year, I also had the opportunity to marry into the military. (Any of you who know me well enough also know that the word "opportunity" used here is an effort to accept the positive.) Originally, I had very mixed feelings about joining the military without actually signing the contract myself; and, therefore, be forced--errr prepared?--for military life through the bootcamp experience. Lastely I've focused on the fact that I knowingly and willingly signed up for the school of the hard-knocks. And truly, as I've seen many times in my short life, it's the best way for me to learn. (My dad always said to me while in pain, "Suffer baby, it's the only way!" Oh how true... and that became my motto for life at 21, but we'll get to that...)
Sadly (but not surprisingly to anyone), all this change at once did not bode well for me. I spent the last few hours of 2013 slowly going manic (as in having a literal manic episode matching the "textbook definition of mania"--to use the words of the lovely and caring RN assigned to me.) Going crazy inside of the walls of my own home, as my husband helplessly watched his wonderful, beautiful, hopeful, newly-wed wife loose touch with her reality, was not a good experience for either of us. In short, I was in the process of being diagnosed with a major mental illness: bi-polar disorder Type I. You can read more about it here, if you've never known someone with this illness. Though, I will mention that the doctors are saying that I am a very unique and rare case because I exhibit more manic cycles than depression cycles.
I know that a lot of you are going, how does all this have anything to do with the title of this post. But this is not a short message. Nor is this post for those who are not as strongly-winded, strong-willed or strongly-opinionated as myself. I'm just saying it as it is, just the way I see it. I have cried harder, sang louder, prayed harder, worked faster and succeeded longer BECAUSE of my mental/emotional illness. The result is just naturally strong lungs. (Too bad I wasn't a swimmer in the Olympics, right?)
I am a 29-year-old-woman who was diagnosed with bi-polar disorder less than two months ago. This means that I have suffered with a serious mental illness and felt very alone in my struggle for 29 years--despite an amazing support system of family, friends (in and out of the Mormon faith), not to mention the wonderful and talented teachers, leaders, coaches and professional associates who have guided me and shaped my development into the woman I am today. In light of this new discovery, I feel that I have finally "found my voice." Finally, I've found a cause worth fighting for, like awesome Mulan did. (My family is already cheering to know that I am not merely a "rebel without a cause," but indeed was, have been, and always will be, a good, little girl in a BIG, confusing world, who needed a lot of special attention to navigate and orient herself in a world that does not talk about mental illness positively.)
My sister has personally done more to save me than any other person, with the exception of my mother and the Savior, Jesus Christ. This should be earth-shattering news coming from a newly-wed, right? Why aren't you writing about how amazing and wonderful your husband is, Angela?! Because my husband doesn't need me to tell the world how amazing and wonderful he is. He simply exudes attractive qualities consistently without prompting and anyone who knows him knows he is my "Disney Prince," if I were to ever have one. He may not be perfect, but he surely knows how to perfectly comfort, guide and help me to be the best I can. The world expects men to be intentional, skilled and courageous. That's why we teach young men that volunteering for military service or to serve a mission is a noble and brave cause worth fighting for, even if we, as Americans, don't all agree on which religion or what political party to join up with.
Contrarily, feminine strength, like my sister, Tessa, "The Lion," consistently demonstrates is such a RARE quality! I wish that the movie Mulan or Brave (or even Rapunzel!) had been out when we were six, instead of the AWFUL rendition of The Little Mermaid, which completely pulled Christ out of the picture and nullified the authority of parenthood -- (where was her mother the whole freaking time, right?!!) If we had watched Mulan growing up, we would have been just as excited to wear a kimono AND wear yoga pants, to put makeup on, and try kickboxing. Instead, at the age of six, I was fed the ridiculous ideas that many people, including several well-intentioned Mormon women, fear that Frozen is also teaching: rebellion, un-quenched desire, feeling trapped by authority, the danger of succumbing to passion etc.
I have been DYING to write a 1500 page treaty on why Disney should be boycotted for writing, approving, producing, promoting and continuing to distribute The Little Mermaid for the past 10 years. I believed that the ideas in the film had so permeated my subconscious that when my parents were divorced (ironically, the same year my friends started pointing out "cookies" like this obscenity) I lost all my belief in "true love," and hence, Disney ruined my childhood. You can imagine my further disappointment when one day I looked up the film on Wikipedia and found all the research I intended to do was already done. (If you read the article for your self, you must promise me that you scroll to the VERY bottom where it briefly discusses the controversy of the film. I wonder if Disney has anything to do with the placement of that paragraph...) My point is that there is already enough disillusionment going on with children all because of the INTERNET. We can't stop that from happening. We can only be honest with our children and encourage them to ask us questions when they find that hidden "truth/lie" we've been conveniently keeping from them. We already know they will find it. It's just a matter of time.
So when my unborn-child starts to sing "Let it Go" at the top of her lungs some day, it will be because I'm the one who introduced that song to her. Because I'm the one who showed her the film, took her to the play, and then asked her to tell me what she thinks, what she feels and how she relates to the characters in the story, just as my mother did with me when I saw the film The Little Mermaid in theaters at age six (all I could talk about was the cool water and the fun songs!). As I've aged, I have come to the conclusion that I have blamed The Little Mermaid for ruining not just my childhood, but my whole life, because I was not willing to take responsibility for my thoughts, feelings and actions in response to a beautiful, but in my opinion amoral, film.
Consequently, if I had been BRAVE enough to actually talk with my mother, instead of my sister, about what I was feeling, maybe I would have gotten through my tweens with less disillusionment. Maybe I would not have been so influenced my Ariel's poor example. Maybe my choices would have been extremely different. Then again, maybe I would still come out with a self-loathing and fearful experience much like the character Elsa. My point is that it is the responsibility of parents to teach them how to question AND where to find the answers that REALLY count.
I believe we can glean inspiration and guidance from characters that teach us something about ourselves. I didn't learn anything from Elsa that I have not already experienced in life, just like how I did not become a rebellious young woman because I watched the movie The Little Mermaid. Art is all about creativity, self-discovery and self-exploration, all of which can lead to selfish choices, but that does not mean that we should avoid creativity, or sexuality, or driving a car simply because they COULD be dangerous. (After all Blacks, Mexicans, Jews, Mormons--now LGBT, Muslims and Africans--have all been painted as dangerous in the media, so it must be true, right?)
It is because movies hold the power to show us our dreams that it is so important that we make sure we monitor how our children internalize them. We must be sure that we teach them how to actually avoid that danger, how to recognize when something doesn't FEEL right and help our children to find the feelings that they need to achieve their wishes and their dreams. That idea is what Walt Disney intended for his company to be all about. Stories like Mulan, Frozen, and Brave help us to find the strength to go for our dreams, even when the world says it's impossible and our fears tell us that we cannot.
The character Elsa was misled, poorly parented and left in fear of her own abilities. Anyone can make the argument that they can relate to her disillusionment, fear, and isolation because we all have felt that way. Only Christ can take away fear, read 2 Timothy if you want to know how. My parents taught me this scripture to help me find the power to leave my fears behind and in the process unleashed my creative nature on the world. From the day that I first learned that God is all about POWER, LOVE and a SOUND MIND (the natural opposites of FEAR) I have done everything I could to embrace those feelings into my life. The principle of unconditional love, which Elsa sadly did not feel, has helped me find my best creative works in music, photography, graphic design, theater and even in my homemaking as a new wife.
So in essence, instead of the life motto to "Suffer, baby!" I will chose to embrace the life motto of "Let It Go." I will not use this motto to justify moral relativism, but as a stance that I am good enough, capable enough and worthy enough to pursue my dreams, even with the challenges in front of me. May we all be able to pursue our dreams with the same confidence, I pray.
Sadly (but not surprisingly to anyone), all this change at once did not bode well for me. I spent the last few hours of 2013 slowly going manic (as in having a literal manic episode matching the "textbook definition of mania"--to use the words of the lovely and caring RN assigned to me.) Going crazy inside of the walls of my own home, as my husband helplessly watched his wonderful, beautiful, hopeful, newly-wed wife loose touch with her reality, was not a good experience for either of us. In short, I was in the process of being diagnosed with a major mental illness: bi-polar disorder Type I. You can read more about it here, if you've never known someone with this illness. Though, I will mention that the doctors are saying that I am a very unique and rare case because I exhibit more manic cycles than depression cycles.
I know that a lot of you are going, how does all this have anything to do with the title of this post. But this is not a short message. Nor is this post for those who are not as strongly-winded, strong-willed or strongly-opinionated as myself. I'm just saying it as it is, just the way I see it. I have cried harder, sang louder, prayed harder, worked faster and succeeded longer BECAUSE of my mental/emotional illness. The result is just naturally strong lungs. (Too bad I wasn't a swimmer in the Olympics, right?)
I am a 29-year-old-woman who was diagnosed with bi-polar disorder less than two months ago. This means that I have suffered with a serious mental illness and felt very alone in my struggle for 29 years--despite an amazing support system of family, friends (in and out of the Mormon faith), not to mention the wonderful and talented teachers, leaders, coaches and professional associates who have guided me and shaped my development into the woman I am today. In light of this new discovery, I feel that I have finally "found my voice." Finally, I've found a cause worth fighting for, like awesome Mulan did. (My family is already cheering to know that I am not merely a "rebel without a cause," but indeed was, have been, and always will be, a good, little girl in a BIG, confusing world, who needed a lot of special attention to navigate and orient herself in a world that does not talk about mental illness positively.)
SIDE-NOTE: if you haven't figured out that this post is about how the movie Frozen is the best Disney film to ever represent the "story of my life," then I pity you. Obviously we are not good enough friends yet. All my friends know that I have a strong aversion to and strongly dislike "Disney princesses." The very term makes my skin crawl. Why? Because I really despise the fact that as a little girl circa 1990, all that I was told in the movies that were "age appropriate" was to rely on only men to solve my problems. Call me a feminist, because I am one. It's not that I disrespect the patriarchal society in Moronism. It is because of the patriarchal society in Mormonism that I am such a strong feminist. But that talk is for a different post.Getting back to the film Frozen and why it was so interesting to me in light of my recent diagnosis, my struggle with my strong libido as a Mormon youth (told you I could out-share you!), and my turbulent mood swings in general... Practicing my religion has taught me time and time again that my best advocates and the people most willing to help at a moment's notice are my mother (of course) and my sister.
My sister has personally done more to save me than any other person, with the exception of my mother and the Savior, Jesus Christ. This should be earth-shattering news coming from a newly-wed, right? Why aren't you writing about how amazing and wonderful your husband is, Angela?! Because my husband doesn't need me to tell the world how amazing and wonderful he is. He simply exudes attractive qualities consistently without prompting and anyone who knows him knows he is my "Disney Prince," if I were to ever have one. He may not be perfect, but he surely knows how to perfectly comfort, guide and help me to be the best I can. The world expects men to be intentional, skilled and courageous. That's why we teach young men that volunteering for military service or to serve a mission is a noble and brave cause worth fighting for, even if we, as Americans, don't all agree on which religion or what political party to join up with.
 |
| A piece of the EMP's current exhibit Fantasy, which I found the day after writing this post in the middle of the night. |
 |
| The typical damsel in distress characters have never been our thing. Also from the Fantasy exhibit. |
So when my unborn-child starts to sing "Let it Go" at the top of her lungs some day, it will be because I'm the one who introduced that song to her. Because I'm the one who showed her the film, took her to the play, and then asked her to tell me what she thinks, what she feels and how she relates to the characters in the story, just as my mother did with me when I saw the film The Little Mermaid in theaters at age six (all I could talk about was the cool water and the fun songs!). As I've aged, I have come to the conclusion that I have blamed The Little Mermaid for ruining not just my childhood, but my whole life, because I was not willing to take responsibility for my thoughts, feelings and actions in response to a beautiful, but in my opinion amoral, film.
Consequently, if I had been BRAVE enough to actually talk with my mother, instead of my sister, about what I was feeling, maybe I would have gotten through my tweens with less disillusionment. Maybe I would not have been so influenced my Ariel's poor example. Maybe my choices would have been extremely different. Then again, maybe I would still come out with a self-loathing and fearful experience much like the character Elsa. My point is that it is the responsibility of parents to teach them how to question AND where to find the answers that REALLY count.
I believe we can glean inspiration and guidance from characters that teach us something about ourselves. I didn't learn anything from Elsa that I have not already experienced in life, just like how I did not become a rebellious young woman because I watched the movie The Little Mermaid. Art is all about creativity, self-discovery and self-exploration, all of which can lead to selfish choices, but that does not mean that we should avoid creativity, or sexuality, or driving a car simply because they COULD be dangerous. (After all Blacks, Mexicans, Jews, Mormons--now LGBT, Muslims and Africans--have all been painted as dangerous in the media, so it must be true, right?)
By the way, you should check out this Africanized version of my new theme song.
It is because movies hold the power to show us our dreams that it is so important that we make sure we monitor how our children internalize them. We must be sure that we teach them how to actually avoid that danger, how to recognize when something doesn't FEEL right and help our children to find the feelings that they need to achieve their wishes and their dreams. That idea is what Walt Disney intended for his company to be all about. Stories like Mulan, Frozen, and Brave help us to find the strength to go for our dreams, even when the world says it's impossible and our fears tell us that we cannot.
The character Elsa was misled, poorly parented and left in fear of her own abilities. Anyone can make the argument that they can relate to her disillusionment, fear, and isolation because we all have felt that way. Only Christ can take away fear, read 2 Timothy if you want to know how. My parents taught me this scripture to help me find the power to leave my fears behind and in the process unleashed my creative nature on the world. From the day that I first learned that God is all about POWER, LOVE and a SOUND MIND (the natural opposites of FEAR) I have done everything I could to embrace those feelings into my life. The principle of unconditional love, which Elsa sadly did not feel, has helped me find my best creative works in music, photography, graphic design, theater and even in my homemaking as a new wife.
The first time we saw the movie, it was the Sing-a-long version.
Seeing the lyrics only helped me love the song more.
So in essence, instead of the life motto to "Suffer, baby!" I will chose to embrace the life motto of "Let It Go." I will not use this motto to justify moral relativism, but as a stance that I am good enough, capable enough and worthy enough to pursue my dreams, even with the challenges in front of me. May we all be able to pursue our dreams with the same confidence, I pray.
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