Student Teaching - Day 65

Well, now that it's done and over, I have to say, it was worth all the sweat, tears, sleepless nights, anxious mornings and semesters of planning.  I really had a blast (even though that last sentence makes it seem really painful--but it mostly applies to the semesters leading UP to my Student Teaching.)

Today, Mrs. Josie surprised me with a book of notes from my students.

Book Cover

Honestly, I shed a few tears (some of laughter!) but all the notes were very sincere and sweet.  I'm going to miss everyone!  Here's a few of my faves just for kicks and giggles:

From a student who claimed to hate computers.

From his friend who loved computers and was VERY good at them.

From all the TA's

From a sweet girl obsessed with Cody, obviously.

From a student who had a traumatic experience at the begging of the semester.
She is seriously the braves girl in that whole school.
(Also very classy, sweet and smart.... and talkative.)

From an awesome TA who worked with me for two class periods.

From my students, some with disabilities, all of whom worked VERY hard to succeed in class!

From the Cody previously mentioned.
He was a sweet kid (even if he did flirt with all the ladies to the point of distraction -- which
was a problem that we worked together on until we were both happy with the arrangement).

In all reality, I am surprised at how easy it was for me to get into a groove.  It's like I got started, got busy and then looked up only to find that that I was at the end.  I am really grateful I had some serious support to make it fun.  Thanks to my cooperating teacher, Josie Reynaud, I can say that it was an amazing experience and very fun to complete!  She told me in the very beginning that the best way to keep my sanity was to go to lunch with her and the ladies every day.  Boy was she right!  Getting to know the Lunch Bunch (a group of VERY fun ladies who probably wish to remain anonymous!) made the time go faster and helped me to laugh at the stuff that didn't really matter.  I found that their friendship made me want to work in a school more than anything. It was nice to have teachers and staff members see me as a co-worker, even though I was a volunteer.  Thanks to everyone at SHHS who made me fall in love teaching!

Student Teaching - Day 45

Sorry to disappoint, but videos will be rare from here on out.  Student teaching is taking up a lot of my energy and free time.  I don't think I will survive.

It's not that the kids are wearing me out or anything.  In fact, they are really great kids.  They rarely misbehave, and when they do it is usually because they are flirting with each other.

No, it's the wedding planning and being away from my fiance that are killing me.  Every day, I go to school and I teach and give and am selfless, and then by the time I get home, I have tons of emails, texts, phone calls and errands to run for the wedding planning.  Then of course, I want to take time to talk to my fiance, so by the time everything is in a stable condition (No! Not crossed off the to-do list!  Just in a manageable place!) I get to go to sleep and wake up and do it all over again. 

I have no idea how teachers have a life outside of their jobs.  I feel like I could always be tweaking and improving my instruction methods and course ideas.  Or grading.  Or building better student-teacher relationships. Or contacting parents.  Or brainstorming with other teachers.  There is just so much to do and so little time to do it!

So many days I send my students out of class and I wonder, did I really teach them anything?  What did they get out of today's lesson?  Do they feel that the work they are doing is important for their success in life, like I do?

Luckily, these questions don't keep me up at night.  Nothing does!  I'm too tired to think, I usually just collapse at the end of the day.  I can't keep this up forever, but I feel like it is worth it to pour my heart into my teaching and do my really best.  The good news is there are only 20 days left!  I hope I use them well!

A Poem for My Father

heavy as honey
full as an ocean
the waves from your throat
reverberate,
rotating every cell
as they travel through my spine
into my core

thick as rain
smooth as the skin behind your ears
the wisdom from your past
seeps into my present thoughts
lifting the dense fog in my mind

where there was black and grey
in an instant there is clarity
colors combining
now only white exists

as each vulnerability is exposed
my inner self rises higher and higher
until I am no longer in my stiff chair
but flying above the conversation
seeking a place to
re-evaluate
re-examine
re-arrange
my faulty conclusions

Weightless contemplation
is the un-seen side effect
of your tone.

^ (up) date

It's beautiful how God weaves a pattern for our lives. He takes a thread of one friendship and places it in the context of your own unique rug. Here in the UAE, they still use the ancient techniques of rug manufacturing and the results are always stunning. They can weave the most intricate patterns and sometimes combine the most unusual colors together. But one thing stays constant -- every rug is unique.

I feel like my life is developing a new pattern. It started with leaving the US and coming here which took a lot of gumption for me to pick up and leave like I did. I've changed a lot in the time I've been here. I changed the tempo of my life to be a slow and pensive pace. I started meditating. I started taking vitamins and eating healthy food. I started praying and reading my scriptures more consistantly. I worked hard to resolve issues with each of my family members and have grown to love them more deeply and with more commitment than ever before. I feel like all of these blessings are from God and because of the steps I took to grow closer to Him. The longer I've been here, the more I've shed my old skin and aquired a new one.

With the new skin came new thoughts and feelings. I've become unsatisfied in shallow relationships and yearn to develop real connections with people. Wich lead me to examine my long relationship with Anthonie. The truth is I could never commit fully to him. Something held me back and as much as I wanted to marry him, I always felt like it was the wrong time or that we needed more in our relationship. I know now that we needed more love. We had a sort of love, but it wasn't a true love. As we continued to work it out while I was here and he was there, I began to see more clearly that we were indeed lacking true love. But we continued to keep giving each other the benefit of the doubt and hoping that we would eventually be able to be together. This week, it came to a climax and the truth was revealed through our actions. He does not truly love me and I could not truly love him until we could both love ourselves and be whole individually. I've travelled a long time with Anthonie and I enjoyed his company. But it was time to say good-bye. And so we did. I feel content. I feel at peace and resolved in my mind and heart. It's such a wonderful feeling to be rid of confusion and drama. I'm continually thankful that I could be on this journey of self discovery and I'm so excited for it to continue!

So other than the news of truly ending my year and a half long relationship with Anthonie, there is little else to report. Dallas had his birthday and turned 13. He's so tall and getting lankier every day! It's been fun to get to know him again and see his excitement about computers and stuff. Our family is celebrating our birthday on the 26th. It's amazing to think that eight years ago we were adopted by Gary Clay Roberts. Our lives changed so much after that moment and it's been a process of upward growth ever since.

I'm so happy here in the UAE. I truly am. Life is beautiful and it's wonderful to be able to enjoy my family every day and when it's time to leave here, I'll be happy too. I know I'm happy because I'm at peace. I know I'm at peace because I've turned to God and asked for his help in my life. It was a choice that made all the difference to me.

I’ve been here for 2 months and six days -- and I’m still loving it!

I didn't know how sick I was when I got here until Tessas's birthday on July 25th. We spent all day making her day a great one. We went to the beauty parlor -- which was an expereience that I'll never forget. In a foreign country they have different standards about cleanliness and such, so I should have known that being in a beauty parlor would give me the same queezy feeling. The lady who did my hair had no idea what she was doing and I ended up looking like the beast in Beauty and the Beast -- my hair was in tight curls and ratted out to this poofy, goofy looking mess. Anyways, we also went to see a movie and we went and got Chinese food at night. And the next day, I was exhausted. I was so tired and sick that I didn't even want to get out of bed. My dad kept saying, "You're sick, Angela. And you don't even know it." And after that day, I knew he was right. So right away we started working on my health. We started with vitamins and green drinks. And are now including excersise and meditation in my schedule. It's all working to create a better me!

I feel better than I ever have. I feel as good as I did before I got mono freshman year! I'm taking lots of vitamins and they're making me feel so much better, I can't even explain it. You'd have to feel it to understand. I'm taking Iron, Fish oil, Vitamin E, Vitamin B, and a few other things that I'm not sure of what they are, but my dad does. He's such a genius at nutrition, it's amazing! I want everyone to benefit like I am from all the positive attention I'm getting. It feels so good to be around people who not only love you, but are committed to helping you do what is the very best for you. I wish everyone of my friends could feel this too.

I've also been reading The Economist, which is an economic magazine, with my dad and he's helping me to learn some vital things about the people who control the world economy and how they control it. It's so interesting. This knowledge is making me want to change everything I was doing wrong to do what is better. I understand so much more about the world than I did a few months ago. I feel foolish that I thought I knew everything. There's so much about what's happening in the world that people don't know about. And it's stuff that if they knew, they wouldn't want to do everything the media tells them to do. It makes me so sad that such a small amount of people control billions of lives. It's deep stuff I'm working on now. Wish I could explain it all.

Life in the UAE is very different, but also very similar. It's odd because in the grocery stores, you can still get western products, but the supply chains are fickle, so you might only see them one or two weeks out of a month. And if it's gone in one store, it's probably gone in all of them. It's really weird seeing how my family is so adjusted to the way things are here. The city itself is a mixture of really beautiful, streamlined buildings on the waterfront, and some very retro 70's mod kind of run down buildings on the streets farther from the shore-line. They start construction on buildings all the time. And they demolish buildings all the time too. The problem is that they don't plan ahead and include parking in any of them. So you have all these tall residential buildings that have store fronts on the street level. And everyone who is living in these buildings has to fight for parking on these little tiny back roads (that are 2 lanes wide) behind and between the buildings. People park in the middle of the street! And they are always honking their horns, it's so annoying! Luckily, we take taxies everywhere, so we don't have to worry about where to park, but it makes it impossible to own a car in the city.

Other than the street life, it's very quiet here. No one really bothers us. I spend most of my days teaching Dallas about music and helping him improve his handwritting -- summer time is a time for him to improve in his schooling, so I do what I can to help out. When I'm not teaching, I'm exercising or up at the pool improving my tan -- yeah! I'm getting blonder from the sun, too! I am really enjoying spending time with my family every day. Their love has helped me to blossom again. I smile more than I cry now. I'm happier than I've been in years. I'm only sad when I get concerned about the future or when I miss Anthonie and wish that he was able to see these changes in me and benefit too.

Speaking of Anthonie, our relationship is getting stronger and stronger. We chat on-line every other day and try to talk on the phone once or twice a week. It's been a challenging experience for us to be apart becuase we loved doing everything together, but now we're both used to doing things independantly again. We're hopeful that we'll be able to get together soon and in the meantime are focusing on becoming better people so that our relationship will benefit even more.

Besides all of that, life in the UAE is like life any where else. At the end of the day, no matter where in the world you are, you are still with yourself and making changes all depends on you. I'm so happy that God has blessed my life and allowed me these beautiful opportunites to grow and learn. I hope that I'll always live so that He can bless me more.