It's beautiful how God weaves a pattern for our lives. He takes a thread of one friendship and places it in the context of your own unique rug. Here in the UAE, they still use the ancient techniques of rug manufacturing and the results are always stunning. They can weave the most intricate patterns and sometimes combine the most unusual colors together. But one thing stays constant -- every rug is unique.
I feel like my life is developing a new pattern. It started with leaving the US and coming here which took a lot of gumption for me to pick up and leave like I did. I've changed a lot in the time I've been here. I changed the tempo of my life to be a slow and pensive pace. I started meditating. I started taking vitamins and eating healthy food. I started praying and reading my scriptures more consistantly. I worked hard to resolve issues with each of my family members and have grown to love them more deeply and with more commitment than ever before. I feel like all of these blessings are from God and because of the steps I took to grow closer to Him. The longer I've been here, the more I've shed my old skin and aquired a new one.
With the new skin came new thoughts and feelings. I've become unsatisfied in shallow relationships and yearn to develop real connections with people. Wich lead me to examine my long relationship with Anthonie. The truth is I could never commit fully to him. Something held me back and as much as I wanted to marry him, I always felt like it was the wrong time or that we needed more in our relationship. I know now that we needed more love. We had a sort of love, but it wasn't a true love. As we continued to work it out while I was here and he was there, I began to see more clearly that we were indeed lacking true love. But we continued to keep giving each other the benefit of the doubt and hoping that we would eventually be able to be together. This week, it came to a climax and the truth was revealed through our actions. He does not truly love me and I could not truly love him until we could both love ourselves and be whole individually. I've travelled a long time with Anthonie and I enjoyed his company. But it was time to say good-bye. And so we did. I feel content. I feel at peace and resolved in my mind and heart. It's such a wonderful feeling to be rid of confusion and drama. I'm continually thankful that I could be on this journey of self discovery and I'm so excited for it to continue!
So other than the news of truly ending my year and a half long relationship with Anthonie, there is little else to report. Dallas had his birthday and turned 13. He's so tall and getting lankier every day! It's been fun to get to know him again and see his excitement about computers and stuff. Our family is celebrating our birthday on the 26th. It's amazing to think that eight years ago we were adopted by Gary Clay Roberts. Our lives changed so much after that moment and it's been a process of upward growth ever since.
I'm so happy here in the UAE. I truly am. Life is beautiful and it's wonderful to be able to enjoy my family every day and when it's time to leave here, I'll be happy too. I know I'm happy because I'm at peace. I know I'm at peace because I've turned to God and asked for his help in my life. It was a choice that made all the difference to me.
No comments:
Post a Comment